February 3, 2010
I know a lot of leaders that would consider this perspective a little too "touchy feely." Leaders who believe that leadership comes from thinking and acting. Compassion to these leaders means you are soft, weak and leaving yourself vulnerable to attack. That being tough, stoic, and bottom line focused is what it's all about. All of those things are critical to effective leadership.
But given the events since the beginning of this century that have been driven by bottom line orientation, greed, and speed this sure seems like an ideal time to revisit leadership that is grounded in compassion. Our culture has become one of looking for what is wrong in situations, people, ideas and opinions. What if for just one month each of us shifted our perspective to considering with curiosity, looking for what's right and believing that the other person's intentions are good?
Do we stop holding ourselves and others accountable? Absolutely not! In fact when we shift from judgment to compassion accountability levels will increase. Here's an example. Tara is a middle manager with a team of twelve people. Joe is consistently missing his deadlines not a typical habit for him. With a filter of judgment, Tara might say, "What's wrong with Joe? He's slipping. I'm going to need to come down hard on him to get him back on track. If that doesn't work, it will reflect badly on his next performance review."
Now consider what happens when Tara shifts to a filter of curiosiyt and compassion? Tara might think, "I wonder what's going on with Joe. He has a great track record, but he has been missing his commitments. I'm going to sit down with him, see what's going on and work with him to develop a plan of action to support his getting back on track."
Wow! What a difference in the energy that is expended, the toxic stress that is avoided, and the likelihood that Joe will get things back on track. And the bonus? Tara will have an even more loyal employee that she did before.
Seriously? Isn't that what leadership is all about?
Posted by Nancy Ballinger at 2:34 pm
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September 29, 2010
Have you ever been hijacked by your ego? You know that moment when you are no longer rationtional as you find yourself screaming like a madperson at your staff for a missed opportunity? Or you are eyeball to eyball with your teenager when words you said you would never say come spewing out? How about the unfriendly, highly critical voice in your head that is ready with the perfect bad advice at the exactly the wrong moment? I saw a t-shirt the other day that said "I do what the voice in my head tells me to." Yo, I wondered, how many relationship messes and how much chaos is that person creating for himself?
I've heard many people say "It was like aliens took over my body! It just happened and I had no control!" That, my friend, is an ego hijacking. And it really happens. To everyone. Even Bill Gates and Warren Buffett have ego hijackings. No human being can escape it. It is part of our hardwiring to have an ego. And part of the ego is a mischieveous little &*#!
Some people manage their ego better than others. Lindsay Lohan would not be a cureent example of those people. But here's the thing, even someone as lost as Lindsay can recover, but it takes conscious effort. Why? Because the part of your ego I'm talking about is like a sneaky little trouble maker, who just lays in wait for a moment when you are triggered or vulnerable. It creaps into your thoughts with the same old judgements: What were you thinking! That was stupid! Your dad was right, you will never amount to anything! You failed AGAIN! What will people think? You should be ashamed of yourself. And depending on how severe the situation is you can quickly find yourself with a very large shovel, digging a very deep hole. Soon, people who used to seek you out begin avoiding you. The performance trajactory you were on begins to flatten out and even take a dramatic dip. Important relationships start to fall apart. What the heck happened? You were on a roll and the next thing you know you are losing it. You find yourself reaching for your favorite numbing agent (food, alcohol, gambling, TV, sex, avoidance, procrastination, blaming, complaining. ..) Again the severity depends on how persistent the voice is and how much attention you give it.
And here's the worst part. You are not that conscious while it is happening. The thoughts are in your head, but the automatic reactions that are triggered as a result of those thoughts is like a runaway train, leaving debris in it's wake. That's why I refer to it as a hijacking.
Can you relate? Next blog, recognizing an attempted hijacking before the plane is off the ground.
Posted by Nancy Ballinge at 11:52 am
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